Bloodshot Eyes

I have just spent 10 straight hours (allowing time for one meal) writing about one passage of the Bible.

Luke 12:1-12:
1Meanwhile, when a crowd of many thousands had gathered, so that they were trampling on one another, Jesus began to speak first to his disciples, saying: "Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy. 2There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. 3What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the ear in the inner rooms will be proclaimed from the roofs.
4"I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. 5But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after the killing of the body, has power to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him. 6Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies[a]? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. 7Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

8"I tell you, whoever acknowledges me before men, the Son of Man will also acknowledge him before the angels of God. 9But he who disowns me before men will be disowned before the angels of God. 10And everyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but anyone who blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven.

11"When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, 12for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say."

We were supposed to find a passage of personal significance and right when finding this passage I remember a memory of summer in which a few people and myself were sitting around a fire and few questions were tossed around. The question I remember the most was whether you would say that you were a believer in Christ with a gun pointed to your head (and the implication that you would be dead if you said yes). I remember that moment a lot because I didn't really have a strong opinion on whether it was right or wrong. The chaperone of the bonfire brought up the idea about lying and then just being forgiven afterward. I don't know why I didn't have a strong opinion (the Lord and I are now working on that) but something seemed unsettling about that answer.

Jesus is very tactical is how he delivers the news. He gives a warning against the lifestyle of hypocrisy.
hy·poc·ri·sy
1. a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religious beliefs or principles, etc., that one does not really possess.
2. a pretense of having some desirable or publicly approved attitude.

In today's society I would believe it could be something like claiming to follow God, yet well...not.

"What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the ear in the inner rooms will be proclaimed from the roofs"

God knows what's truly going with ourselves. Sounds like Big Brother, huh?

Jesus then instills fear in the crowd. Warning them that who they should really fear is God since He is control after death.

Though Jesus is using scare tactics, my favorite part comes about:

"Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."

It is interesting in the fact that the Lord cares about such minute details of our human bodies. Something we don't really care about (though your hair could be interesting).

All these warnings and encouragements lead up to the decision time about whether we would acknowledge Him or not. He states that we will be forgiven if we speak against the Son of Man yet if anyone blasphemes against the Holy Spirit then they shall not be forgiven.

Jesus then states an example of when exactly a time might arise when the Holy Spirit will take over:
"When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say."

Of course this leaves the interpretation totally up to you, because the question arises about the Holy Spirit will truly do.

My Opinion: I would say "yes". I don't believe there is a necessity to live on Earth. I would say yes out of both passion and out of fear for the Lord. I believe that if I was lead up to that point, then it is possible for that to be my calling for home.

My prayer is that I am accepting of how the Holy Spirit moves within me. May my words not be my own words, my actions reflect the teachings of Jesus.

Sunshine

I don't stay down in the dumps for very long. I think it's only when I am tired that I start thinking those things. It's important for me not to focus on them, since time will solve the problems.

"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections"

I found this in a art gallery in relation to body image, but I believe it goes really well with life. Nothing will really ever be perfect here on earth, it's all about how we see what you have, and how we take it.

We're in this together.





Man. It's such a good day outside.

"Stephen has been rethinking a lot things"

I write this blog to just get ideas out of head. I feel like writing this online is the right idea.

Belonging
This question has been a general theme over the 19 years of my life. I don't really recall ever feeling a sense of belonging. No group of friends have I ever felt like I really was a part. Sometimes I just feel like the "guest star", only being transient, never being there for the long haul. I have identified this as not being lonely, I have plenty of friendships that I can go to for fun times and some for accountability (though I am hesitant to go to them, which is a story in itself). When I transitioned out of high school, I left those friends to join people at church, just to leave them, and now I am here, not quite connecting in the idea that I thought I was. I see now that a lot of what I deal with (especially in this blog) is relationships, which I find annoying in myself. Should I even want to belong? I know I don't want to find security through people, yet I cannot stop thinking about this sense of belonging. Why?

The Best Friend
I've told a few people that I don't feel as if I have a best friend, and this kind of ties into belonging. I have caught myself wanting someone to be my best friend, someone to pursue being a best friend, only to see that is not what they want. More in this definition of a best friend is someone I feel comfortable being accountable with, someone who I can challenge and can challenge me in our aspects of God. I'll be in honest in saying that the person I call my "best friend" is Aubrea, who has never really been present (in the sense that we have always been in different social groups/schools) and the female aspect is starting to play a factor. I am challenged in patience in finding this person but I'm working on it.

Mood Swing
I've really let my guard down, which is no excuse. The other night I just sat in misery as I reflected on how mean I've been. I've been really sarcastic and have been cutting people down. Probably not that much in people's eyes, but a lot for me. That just goes into a problem I've found with myself. I'm not a good person, whatsoever. I find myself to be a selfish human being in a friendship, usually always wanting something from it. Or at least that is what I feel is conveyed, I don't truly want to be a "user". I don't even really know what to work on now that I think of it.

Joy
Someone commented on my smile today. It made me wonder how really present my smile is, I didn't think I smiled a lot. I am so happy to have made Team Barnabas, the prayer and encouragement team. God is really giving me opportunities to grow in encouraging and so I'm excited to see just how that goes.

It feels good to just write it out, even if it isn't my whole thought process, it's close.