I'm disappointed that a missing wallet and missing keys have reduced me to discouragement. My positivity is being attacked and I can see that.
Hatred is bad. That's all I can really think of. I try not to use the word hate with anyone and try not to with anything. I also never slander someone, and it's hard for me to hear someone discriminating against someone. Even all the words like "fag" and "queer" kind of get to me, because I've often heard homosexual people feel offended by those words. I don't care whether someone agrees with their lifestyle, it's about caring about the individual.
I've been praying about relationships/friendships, and I will continue to be praying.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
His Banner Over Me is Love, His Love.
You know you are in the right place when you walk down your hallway and hear that your neighbor is blasting worship music.
Right now I am doing one of my goals. I am diving into the Word of God. Starting with the book of Job. God has given me a Bible accountablity partner from my old high school and so it is awesome to be sharing how the Word affects us.
"What is man that you make so much of him, that you give him so much attention that you examine him every morning and test him every moment?" Job 7:17-18
I just see this passage that God is always with us, just like what we are learning in Kaleo. How amazing is it, that He spends his individual attention on me, just like he spends attention on you. I see that God has helped me to overcome obstacles, used my past to relate to others, and has given me Godly people in my life to grow from and to be encouragement to.
On to the subject of addictions part 2:
I am so thankful that I can talk about these things in the past tense. I used to struggle with both pornography and with body image.
Many males struggle with it and I know that I was often influenced to. My friends in high school were very much into it. Even though I recognized that it was a digusting habit, it was hard to not get into it when the pressure is on. As a speaker once said in Junior High Hume Lake, you will never forget those images, which is a reason not to see them. Thankfully I have stopped and do not ever want to pursue it again.
Body image is that weird one to talk about, but honestly it's a very sensitive subject to talk about, and is usually not connected to males. Ever since I was young, it was apparent how different I was shaped. My brothers teased me about my weight calling me chubbasaurus (which I now look back upon and laugh), but for me at that age, it was very damaging. All throughout junior high and high school I was ashamed of the way I looked, specifically my weight. Last winter was particulary rough, I gained a lot of weight from not doing water polo, and people took notice. I remember a dear friend called me fat and it was shattering. I avoided anything to do with taking my shirt off, I was ashamed to get into a hot tub or change in front of people. I hated myself so much, I luckily never went overboard into an eating disorder yet still, I hate to relive those moments of standing in front of the mirror and just having pure hatred to the fat face that was looking back at me.
I am so much better now. I have gained a massive amount of self esteem and I have come to love my body and to love the way I look. I'm not even ashamed to say that I am attractive, in fact, everyone should say that they are attractive, because they are.
A warning though to those who say sarcastic comments to others, be careful what you say, even though you are joking, people can take what you say to heart.
Right now I am doing one of my goals. I am diving into the Word of God. Starting with the book of Job. God has given me a Bible accountablity partner from my old high school and so it is awesome to be sharing how the Word affects us.
"What is man that you make so much of him, that you give him so much attention that you examine him every morning and test him every moment?" Job 7:17-18
I just see this passage that God is always with us, just like what we are learning in Kaleo. How amazing is it, that He spends his individual attention on me, just like he spends attention on you. I see that God has helped me to overcome obstacles, used my past to relate to others, and has given me Godly people in my life to grow from and to be encouragement to.
On to the subject of addictions part 2:
I am so thankful that I can talk about these things in the past tense. I used to struggle with both pornography and with body image.
Many males struggle with it and I know that I was often influenced to. My friends in high school were very much into it. Even though I recognized that it was a digusting habit, it was hard to not get into it when the pressure is on. As a speaker once said in Junior High Hume Lake, you will never forget those images, which is a reason not to see them. Thankfully I have stopped and do not ever want to pursue it again.
Body image is that weird one to talk about, but honestly it's a very sensitive subject to talk about, and is usually not connected to males. Ever since I was young, it was apparent how different I was shaped. My brothers teased me about my weight calling me chubbasaurus (which I now look back upon and laugh), but for me at that age, it was very damaging. All throughout junior high and high school I was ashamed of the way I looked, specifically my weight. Last winter was particulary rough, I gained a lot of weight from not doing water polo, and people took notice. I remember a dear friend called me fat and it was shattering. I avoided anything to do with taking my shirt off, I was ashamed to get into a hot tub or change in front of people. I hated myself so much, I luckily never went overboard into an eating disorder yet still, I hate to relive those moments of standing in front of the mirror and just having pure hatred to the fat face that was looking back at me.
I am so much better now. I have gained a massive amount of self esteem and I have come to love my body and to love the way I look. I'm not even ashamed to say that I am attractive, in fact, everyone should say that they are attractive, because they are.
A warning though to those who say sarcastic comments to others, be careful what you say, even though you are joking, people can take what you say to heart.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Party Hardy
It's good to start this blog after the Alpha meeting that we had on Sunday night.
I've really just been reflecting on alcohol for a while now.
Really I haven't surrounded myself in it, I've never had the friends that went out and did it (they saved out until after graduation) and I was never around my brothers if they took it too far, I just know they like to drink.
It seems that the dependency and appeal of alcohol is just something that the secular world is telling us it's "ok". In all honesty, breaking the law should never be alright. I'm not saying people don't do it, and I'm far from perfect, but shouldn't we be striving for the perfection of God? As Christ followers, we are to be like Christ no matter what mindsets we are previously in. These are easy answers to such a huge thing to struggle with. We can struggle together though, keep each other accountable, discover together the things that are keeping us.
I've really just been reflecting on alcohol for a while now.
Really I haven't surrounded myself in it, I've never had the friends that went out and did it (they saved out until after graduation) and I was never around my brothers if they took it too far, I just know they like to drink.
It seems that the dependency and appeal of alcohol is just something that the secular world is telling us it's "ok". In all honesty, breaking the law should never be alright. I'm not saying people don't do it, and I'm far from perfect, but shouldn't we be striving for the perfection of God? As Christ followers, we are to be like Christ no matter what mindsets we are previously in. These are easy answers to such a huge thing to struggle with. We can struggle together though, keep each other accountable, discover together the things that are keeping us.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
The future is but ahead of us.
Goals:
1. I hope to become an alpha leader next year.
Being involved like I am today in the Ambassador program has become really important. I think that involvement in things was something I lacked previously but now I am just excited to be involved and to especially be working with people since that is something I love to do. In strengths talk I guess I use Woo, Communication, Positivity and Developer in this.
2. I want to study abroad someplace where I can do work with the community surrounding it.
What other time would I really get to go to school in another country for a semester than now? I am so looking forward to studying abroad and getting to live in an all new setting. More importantly I want to go somewhere that I can help the community I am living with. In strengths talk I would Adaptability.
3. I want to make a strong life-time group of friends, that are on fire for God, surround me throughout my journey here in APU and in life.
Community is a very powerful thing and I am definitely looking for those people who will go through life's trials and life's happy moments together. People to keep me accountable and to learn more about the Lord together. Hopefully I "win those people over" and can use my developer and positivity strengths to contribute to the group.
4. Lastly, I want to learn more about God's Word.
I feel there is so much more for me to read, so much more for me to interpret, so much more for me to apply to my life that I just need to dive in.
1. I hope to become an alpha leader next year.
Being involved like I am today in the Ambassador program has become really important. I think that involvement in things was something I lacked previously but now I am just excited to be involved and to especially be working with people since that is something I love to do. In strengths talk I guess I use Woo, Communication, Positivity and Developer in this.
2. I want to study abroad someplace where I can do work with the community surrounding it.
What other time would I really get to go to school in another country for a semester than now? I am so looking forward to studying abroad and getting to live in an all new setting. More importantly I want to go somewhere that I can help the community I am living with. In strengths talk I would Adaptability.
3. I want to make a strong life-time group of friends, that are on fire for God, surround me throughout my journey here in APU and in life.
Community is a very powerful thing and I am definitely looking for those people who will go through life's trials and life's happy moments together. People to keep me accountable and to learn more about the Lord together. Hopefully I "win those people over" and can use my developer and positivity strengths to contribute to the group.
4. Lastly, I want to learn more about God's Word.
I feel there is so much more for me to read, so much more for me to interpret, so much more for me to apply to my life that I just need to dive in.
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