Be My Guest.

Studying Abroad

2010-08-19T16:07:00.001-07:00

I decided to have a separate study abroad blog, because in a sense, it is an entirely new chapter in my life.

Here is the link:
http://pottsandpyramids.blogspot.com

The Living Water & The Bread of Life

2010-05-30T03:04:00.000-07:00

Something that has been so hard while being in Nepal is the begging that goes on. My team and I have been warned so often not to buy street children or people on the street anything because either it create a swarm or that they could sell things for drug money.

It has been trying. It's hard to get used to denying people food and to feeling like you can't fix the condition that they are in. I desperately want them to have food, to be healthy, to feel safe.

I think to Jesus reply to the Samaritan woman at the well who he asks for a drink. When is confused when Jesus talks about living water. He responds with this:

"Jesus answered, 'Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." (John 4:13).

There is also the time in which he explains to the Pharisees that he was the bread provider to the Israelites and that he is now the bread to the people; the life-giver.

When they ask for the bread he declares.
"Then Jesus declared, 'I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.'" (John 6:35).

We can't fix a thing. Though we can help with the short term needs, we are not here long to gradually help people to get better and it is too much of an epidemic for it ever to be cured. Our only hope is in Jesus and that he may fill these people.

May we pray that everyone has a divine encounter with the Living Water and Bread of Life.

The Laughter of Children

2010-05-29T07:40:00.000-07:00

When the sounds of exhaust, car horns blaring, dogs barking, or dogs fighting become so overwhelming.

It is a good practice to listen for the sound of children playing. That is a sound that truly warms the heart.

Nepal

2010-05-26T02:50:00.000-07:00

It has been so interesting the journey of getting to Nepal. First, thinking that the team was going to Bangladesh. Then hearing about possibly doing both countries, and now solely working in Nepal for an entire six weeks.

I am back. I may not know why am I here. But I am back to reclaim memories that were spoiled.

To best follow my team and our journey through this country, you can go to our blog at http://teambangaldesh10.blogspot.com

Jaimasee! (victory in Christ)

Warrior Dash

2010-04-13T12:46:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was great because I on Thursday I drove down to visit with Aubrea (best friend since first grade). We enjoyed just a lot of time of hanging out, going to the beach, going to her college group, awkwardly going to her roommate's extended family birthday party and watching "How To Train Your Dragon".

After I got back on Sunday it was time to volunteer at an event called the Warrior Dash.

I am going on a missions team to Nepal this summer (originally Team Bangladesh) and one of the fundraisers we took part in was called The Warrior Dash. It was a three mile run through a lot of obstacles and the website had them jumping over fire, crawling through mud and wearing ridiculous costumes. My team and I had a blast. Angela and Lizzee, two of my teammates are pictured on the left. Our team's job was to check in people's gear then hand it out to them after they raced.

The costumes that people wore were ridiculous. Many people had kilts, and masks. There were a ton of costumes. We saw someone dressed up from The Simpsons, Aquateen Hunger Force, people who looked freakishly like zombies, guys dressed like girls and lots and lots of loin clothes. One of the big draws for people was the free beer they got to have after the race, so I must say it was very interesting to do customer service with highly intoxicated individuals. Yet it was so fun to see people so energetic about a race. After the race especially, it was funny to see everyone drenched or covered in mud because those were the obstacles at the very end of the race.

The biggest challenge our team faced was getting 25 volunteers to show up. We only managed to get around 20 but we still received the $1000 which was such a blessing. Thanks to friends of mine like Kayti and Rachel, we all got to have a fun time and actually serve for not that long. The event ended early so we actually came home 3 hours earlier than we expected. Definitely a plus of serving as well was that we tons of free stuff too! We got a shirt, a hilarious viking helmet (as can be seen pictured), and some people managed to get free Warrior Dash mugs.

It was definitely one of the most unique serving opportunities I have ever had but a lot of fun. You should probably be expected a blog next year about how I raced in the Warrior Dash!

Moab, Utah

2010-04-06T18:26:00.000-07:00

This Spring break, through my the Outdoor Adventures program that my school has to offer, I had the amazing opportunity to go to Moab, Utah to go backpacking.

Talk about adventure.

It was SO great!

I signed up for this trip because of the fact that I wanted to do something I would never think of doing beforehand. Though going home to rest would have been great, I knew that I needed to do it just to say that I can do it.

There was a group of eleven that took on the adventure through the school. Chris and Adam, two close friends that I knew were going but other than that, I barely knew anyone.

After about 3 hours we stopped in Las Vegas (I can't get away from the place it seems) and had some cheap steak and eggs in a pretty sketchy casino. This is when our group started joking that we were a youth group and that Dan the leader of the trip was our youth pastor.

Then about 9 hours later we arrived at a campsite by the Colorado river to stay for the next two nights. The first night we only had one spot reserved, so a few of the guys had to sleep outside instead of a tent. It was a pretty cold night and we woke up with frost all over our sleeping bags.

The next day we woke up and headed to the arches national park. This was really cool because we went the Delicate Arch, the arch that had been on all the Utah license plates that I had been seeing. It was beautiful, and definitely a marvel of the natural beauty that is all around us.

After that day arches was the next part of our adventure: backpacking in the Canyonlands.

We drove two hours out into the back country and began our journey. The whole week was amazing. It was great to split up the group gear between all of us and to trek around with our backpacks. Every hike we took had obstacles in our way, whether scaling large rocks, jumping gaps, walking alongside cliffs or climbing ladders. There was a lot of different obstacles to do. Nothing was too challenging, but it was a lot of fun to problem solve how to get from point A to point B with heavy packs on. Our group had a lot of time helping each other out.

Time at camp was also great. I loved sleeping in a tent even if some nights were a tad windy. I learned that ear plugs can be a sleep saver for those moments because it cuts out most of the noise. One thing that was interesting about our trek is that we ate really well. We had spaghetti, pancakes, spam melts, chicken quesadillas and a plethora of other food. We had a lot of fun times cooking, talking and relating to one another. There was also a lot of great moments to star gaze and time to slow down and journal, read, and pray.

One of my favorite days was a day hike where we went to a place called the Druid Arches. It was beautiful and amazingly huge. It was the day after a six mile with our heavy packs and we did another six miles but with a lot less weight. We arrived at the top with an amazing view of the "Needles District" which is where we were, and of course seeing this beautiful arch. Also, afterward when we got back, we had enough time to take a "solo", so we spent about three hours in solitude and it was great.

It was great to reflect on just how strong I really am. Carrying those heavy packs, our bodies were often pushed to their limits but we overcame. How many times do I think that I am not strong enough when in fact I can't see all that I can accomplish.

I am so glad that I got to explore one of the least explored places in the United States and got to prove to myself that I am strong enough.

Wicked Weekend

2010-03-15T16:43:00.000-07:00

Another adventure, but this time a more.. fine arts kind of adventure.

I have been dying to see Wicked ever since freshman year because so many people have been talking about how great it is.

A few friends and I talked about it and decided that we must have a wicked weekend.

We bought the tickets a few weeks beforehand and since my roommate Tyler is someone who was giving and lives in Livermore, we decided that his house was more than perfect to house for the weekend.

Since our friends Nicole and Laura Jane are both R.A.'s, we had to wait for them to finish a 5k race put on by Residence Life before we could.

After stocking up on Sonic drinks for our 6 hour car ride to Livermore for the night (Soccer moms Amanda and Rebekah pictured). We all took turns driving in a huge suburban that had a broken driver's' door and no air conditioning, and we had a lot of fun singing to the top of our lungs and telling stories.

After staying the night and staying with Tyler's wonderful family. We went to his church where his dad is the pastor. It was fun because we were dressed in our formal outfits for Wicked and the sermon was about Acts and was very interesting.

We then hopped on to the Bart, heading towards San Francisco. Once we got to San Francisco we went to eat in a cool Indian food restaurant.

Walking the streets was a little rough. The past two times I had come to San Fran before this trip was to work with the homeless and work with various organizations around it. It was a little difficult to walk around in shiny black shoes and to try and justify spending so much money on a show. It makes me think whether a lifestyle like this is something I can really enjoy.

After eating, it was time to go to the show. Although we were sitting high up in the balcony, we could still see fine. The show was awesome. The costumes, the songs, the stage design. It was all so fascinating. Since we had listened to the soundtrack on the way up, it was great to put the stage number to the song and see it come to life.

We then headed home at 7am in the morning on Monday, ready to begin our school lives again after having a wonderful, Wicked weekend.

A Grand Ol' Adventure

2010-03-07T11:26:00.000-08:00

This past weekend a few friends and I went and hiked down the grand canyon.

It was such a great experience. I had never been to the grand canyon before and so went with a few of my friends who were going to camping around there.

The interesting thing about camping there though was that we were camping in snow.

We got in around 1am into the national park so we didn't actually have to end up paying. Then we camped out for the night. Woke up, then hiked down into the canyon. It was beautiful!

One of the coolest things was that we hiked from snow into the desert. So as we hiked down, we had to shed layers. Also when we looked up from the canyon we were able to see the snow layer and then see it gradually become more desert like, it was great.

After we hiked out (which was very hard to climb up the snow/mud trail. There was a storm warning for the night, so we knew that in the middle of the night, if we heard rain or snow hit our tent. We needed to book it. So... we heard rain falling (which actually turned out to be snow) and packed the tent as soon as possible and we were on the road. Our plan was possibly just pitch a tent somewhere out of the storm but our friend Josiah who came actually had a house in Nevada and so went to...

We basically just took this picture then headed straight to the house and went to bed. But three of us made a pact that although we are in a house, that gives us no right to shower. So we continued to smell all the way until we got home to Azusa.

This type of adventure is what I am growing to enjoy so much. I never really camped much in my life and I greatly enjoy it. God had me stay this semester instead of studying abroad and I am so thankful I am getting to partake in things I never would have done with great people. I am becoming a great more adventurous.

The more adventure, the better.

Beast of Proportions

2010-02-23T12:06:00.001-08:00

The Spring time seems to be the rejuvenation of all things fitness. It is just after New Years when people are making their dedications to their newly acquired winter weight.

Yet why is this pattern so frequent and there is often no consistent ground that has been made? I think that lies in where the motivation is.

Going over the art of persuasion in one of my classes, the idea of physical attractiveness being so ideal and important to the idea of people liking something or being in association with something was huge.

One such thing we discussed was the interesting principle of why people have gym memberships either because they

a) want to find someone there
or
b) people want to look attractive

Though these may be the cases, I feel this doesn't actually suit the need that people have and instead are leaving these people rooted in shallow concepts/desires. This desire to look attractive is a beast that will never be fully satisfied and will leave people always craving those desires.

That is why it's about starting to switch focus not about the weight loss goal or the image it will produce but instead about the idea of living healthy and the benefits that brings to a person.

I believe it brings a new sense of freedom to not be seeking after and feeding an obsession but instead to realize the need of people.

For my own daily life, I know not to be feeding the insecurity, which often leads to taking immediate measures and wanting immediate results, but instead laying foundations for a better lifestyle; Taking my thoughts captive and making sure there is balance with my thought life/physical life.

A New Commitment.

2010-02-23T11:59:00.000-08:00

We live in a society in which commitment is seen as a normality amongst people, if someone were to be uncommitted to something they are seen negatively as "inconsistent", "flakey", or other such terms.

In wanting to start up my blog, I want to be committed...

...to being committed to being very inconsistent with the times I post on here. Either not posting for weeks or sometimes posting multiples posts in one day.

One thing I am greatly committed to is to changing the website design from the tacky green color whenever I get the chance to.

Looking forward to a great and erratic blogging.

A New Place.

2008-08-26T22:58:00.001-07:00

A start of a new school year and a start of awesome (truly in awe) promises.

Alpha (the student orientation leadership program) has given me hope for this year to finally connect here at APU.

The most interesting thing is where God has brought me. I had an emotionally draining summer in which God brought me to a place to be vulnerable, to be trusting, to be dependent on what he was teaching me.

Now I am at a place in which I am stable. I don't think I've felt like this, able to truly comfort people as they are going through crises of faith. How did I ever get to this point? I know that I myself am inadequate but only because of God could I ever give insight and wisdom.

I'm so amazed.

A prayer for continuance.

Hold me back.

2008-07-05T15:48:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in so long.

I'm at camp now. Well, in a coffee shop using the internet but my life is here at camp.

A co-worker named Brandon introduced this concept of truth and freedom. God has been running with this. I never realized that I hold back as much as I do. Now I am saying every thing, to people, to God, I am not afraid of confronting, not afraid to say every thing, be vulnerable. It's awesome that I am learning so much while doing this service.

I love this service. Working with these campers, seeing them grow in faith (sadly my position is to only see it for a week).

5 weeks more.

Sorry if this blog sounds tired. Tired seems to be a constant state this summer.

Genuine.

2008-04-11T01:41:00.000-07:00

I've hit that wall. Finally, I've hit that wall. I've realized that it's time to give it up to God. I am not alone in going through this walk. I am in fact walking hand and hand with Him, it's just sometimes frustrating when I don't feel the warmth of His hand.

I give up everything to the Lord. My anxiousness, my worries, my thoughts, my actions, my words. I am at this place in my life for a reason. Already I know that what I am going through is challenging my life structure that I have had for a long time.

It sounds weird, but I know this sense of belonging won't come until I'm ready for it. I have started breaking down this reliance on people as validation and for recognition.

I live for the Father.

I give up these worries to Him for I know the Lord cares for me. He cares for me.

I once said "keep me here" but I know, to grow more: "take me there".

Peace. Love. Joy. Hope.

Opportunities

2008-03-31T19:33:00.000-07:00

A lot has passed but it's so good to look at what God has given me.

Mexico Outreach over Easter break was amazing. In fact it was quite confirming in what I want I am passionate about. I was wondering if going on the Mexico trip would take me out of my comfort zone but in fact I was put into a comfortable place.

My job on the Mexico Outreach trip was to be on Team Barnabas, the encouragement and prayer team. A lot of it was hanging out with the high schoolers and finding out about them. There was even a church that I grew close to. St. Francis was definitely the most outgoing group but also I could see their great community. Each person seemed to want to grow in Christ and their leaders seemed just great. The Barnabas crew is even meeting up with two people from that church next week, I'm so excited.

Next thing is being an Alpha Leader. We already had one meeting and it looks like it is going to be a fun time together. I'm really excited for the retreat we're having this weekend. The biggest thing I'm excited for is the training in the Summer because we'll share our life stories and grow together. I can't wait to have a small group.

Things on my plate:

Summer job at Ojai Valley, Forest Home
Discipleship Group Leader?
Volunteer in the Pomona First Baptist Youth.

I'm so excited.

Summer Plans

2008-03-04T08:38:00.000-08:00

I've spent a lot of time thinking about what I should be doing this summer.

Last year I really enjoyed doing Day Camp but I think that ship has sailed. It seems it's going to be a very different program.

This year summer begins early,a whole month earlier actually. The first month will be spent in Hawaii though, which will be an amazing experience.

When I get back May 25th, what am I supposed to do?

I interviewed for Hume Lake but it seems like a lot of time commitment, a lot of regulations for not a lot of money. I know that it would be for the experience, yet I don't feel called to go.

I might want to do some volunteering for a youth group. Since I am thinking about going into it (and taking an Intro to Youth class in the fall), I would love to get some experience. Yet I don't feel like South Hills is the place for me to be.

The doors will open, I'm trusting.

Also, I'm building up walls, and I need to break them down.

29 days. 1 outfit.

2008-03-03T20:26:00.000-08:00

It was decided late into January that we would try an experiment for an entire month. The whole month of February was spent wearing one outfit. It was to experience what many people in countries have and also a lesson in simplicity. Even though we did have exceptions because sometimes clothes are demanded for certain things, I learned a few things while going through the experiment.

1) The hardest part (which in reality wasn't that hard) was putting on the dirty clothes right after a shower. It just felt gross to be putting on something that I have been wearing for a week (I did laundry pretty much every 7 days).

2) Change in weather really sucked. I wore jeans in my outfit because it was very cold. When it was very sunny though, it was annoying not to be able to put on shorts. I think of the fact that changing into various things is quite the luxury.

3) People don't really notice. I now bring up the fact that I had been wearing the same outfit for an entire month and people are flabbergasted. The only people who noticed were either doing the experiment as well or were told. It's interesting to see that not that many people notice what you wear. This is different than a high school setting but still I would expect some people to notice.

4) I look in my closet and notice that I don't need all the clothes I have. Very soon the closet is going to be cleaned out.

Bloodshot Eyes

2008-02-28T02:50:00.001-08:00

I have just spent 10 straight hours (allowing time for one meal) writing about one passage of the Bible.

Luke 12:1-12:
1Meanwhile, when a crowd of many thousands had gathered, so that they were trampling on one another, Jesus began to speak first to his disciples, saying: "Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy. 2There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. 3What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the ear in the inner rooms will be proclaimed from the roofs.
4"I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. 5But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after the killing of the body, has power to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him. 6Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies[a]? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. 7Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

8"I tell you, whoever acknowledges me before men, the Son of Man will also acknowledge him before the angels of God. 9But he who disowns me before men will be disowned before the angels of God. 10And everyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but anyone who blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven.

11"When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, 12for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say."

We were supposed to find a passage of personal significance and right when finding this passage I remember a memory of summer in which a few people and myself were sitting around a fire and few questions were tossed around. The question I remember the most was whether you would say that you were a believer in Christ with a gun pointed to your head (and the implication that you would be dead if you said yes). I remember that moment a lot because I didn't really have a strong opinion on whether it was right or wrong. The chaperone of the bonfire brought up the idea about lying and then just being forgiven afterward. I don't know why I didn't have a strong opinion (the Lord and I are now working on that) but something seemed unsettling about that answer.

Jesus is very tactical is how he delivers the news. He gives a warning against the lifestyle of hypocrisy.
hy·poc·ri·sy
1. a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religious beliefs or principles, etc., that one does not really possess.
2. a pretense of having some desirable or publicly approved attitude.

In today's society I would believe it could be something like claiming to follow God, yet well...not.

"What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the ear in the inner rooms will be proclaimed from the roofs"

God knows what's truly going with ourselves. Sounds like Big Brother, huh?

Jesus then instills fear in the crowd. Warning them that who they should really fear is God since He is control after death.

Though Jesus is using scare tactics, my favorite part comes about:

"Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."

It is interesting in the fact that the Lord cares about such minute details of our human bodies. Something we don't really care about (though your hair could be interesting).

All these warnings and encouragements lead up to the decision time about whether we would acknowledge Him or not. He states that we will be forgiven if we speak against the Son of Man yet if anyone blasphemes against the Holy Spirit then they shall not be forgiven.

Jesus then states an example of when exactly a time might arise when the Holy Spirit will take over:
"When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say."

Of course this leaves the interpretation totally up to you, because the question arises about the Holy Spirit will truly do.

My Opinion: I would say "yes". I don't believe there is a necessity to live on Earth. I would say yes out of both passion and out of fear for the Lord. I believe that if I was lead up to that point, then it is possible for that to be my calling for home.

My prayer is that I am accepting of how the Holy Spirit moves within me. May my words not be my own words, my actions reflect the teachings of Jesus.

Sunshine

2008-02-26T14:07:00.000-08:00

I don't stay down in the dumps for very long. I think it's only when I am tired that I start thinking those things. It's important for me not to focus on them, since time will solve the problems.

"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections"

I found this in a art gallery in relation to body image, but I believe it goes really well with life. Nothing will really ever be perfect here on earth, it's all about how we see what you have, and how we take it.

We're in this together.

Man. It's such a good day outside.

"Stephen has been rethinking a lot things"

2008-02-25T01:33:00.000-08:00

I write this blog to just get ideas out of head. I feel like writing this online is the right idea.

Belonging
This question has been a general theme over the 19 years of my life. I don't really recall ever feeling a sense of belonging. No group of friends have I ever felt like I really was a part. Sometimes I just feel like the "guest star", only being transient, never being there for the long haul. I have identified this as not being lonely, I have plenty of friendships that I can go to for fun times and some for accountability (though I am hesitant to go to them, which is a story in itself). When I transitioned out of high school, I left those friends to join people at church, just to leave them, and now I am here, not quite connecting in the idea that I thought I was. I see now that a lot of what I deal with (especially in this blog) is relationships, which I find annoying in myself. Should I even want to belong? I know I don't want to find security through people, yet I cannot stop thinking about this sense of belonging. Why?

The Best Friend
I've told a few people that I don't feel as if I have a best friend, and this kind of ties into belonging. I have caught myself wanting someone to be my best friend, someone to pursue being a best friend, only to see that is not what they want. More in this definition of a best friend is someone I feel comfortable being accountable with, someone who I can challenge and can challenge me in our aspects of God. I'll be in honest in saying that the person I call my "best friend" is Aubrea, who has never really been present (in the sense that we have always been in different social groups/schools) and the female aspect is starting to play a factor. I am challenged in patience in finding this person but I'm working on it.

Mood Swing
I've really let my guard down, which is no excuse. The other night I just sat in misery as I reflected on how mean I've been. I've been really sarcastic and have been cutting people down. Probably not that much in people's eyes, but a lot for me. That just goes into a problem I've found with myself. I'm not a good person, whatsoever. I find myself to be a selfish human being in a friendship, usually always wanting something from it. Or at least that is what I feel is conveyed, I don't truly want to be a "user". I don't even really know what to work on now that I think of it.

Joy
Someone commented on my smile today. It made me wonder how really present my smile is, I didn't think I smiled a lot. I am so happy to have made Team Barnabas, the prayer and encouragement team. God is really giving me opportunities to grow in encouraging and so I'm excited to see just how that goes.

It feels good to just write it out, even if it isn't my whole thought process, it's close.

Christmas gifts

2007-12-28T21:00:00.000-08:00

This Christmas holiday has been huge. As I am typing this on my new iPhone, I must say that my parents went extravagant in what they bought my brothers and me. Each of us got wii games, clothes, and a iPhone.

The reason this Christmas break has been so amazing is not because of the wealth my parents have been blessed with but truely the love and friendship I have been blessed with. I am happy to be back and having fun with the people I had met over the summer, people I have come to love on a deeper level.

Yet I know that I must and will find a great group of people at Azusa, that is one thing that I am praying over: the group of people God will bless me with there. I feel ready to head back now, ready to see what's in store for me.

Youth Ministry?

2007-11-20T20:06:00.000-08:00

I've decided to change this just from a alpha blog into an actual blog.

Today I was just reflecting on what the Lord is calling me to do and I put together some obvious clues in to the idea of youth ministy. I'll be honest and say that I don't really know what the job entitles but I know something.

I've realized that my my outgoing personality is something to be used. In no way conceited, I can say that I have an odd talent of people getting a long really well with people. It seems my personality will be used to be an example and to encourage others around me.

The only hesitation I had was that I'm ready theologically. Honestly I am learning so much right now, and forming opinions about arguments that I had never heard of previously. I still don't know very much, but I am so passionate about learning more, I'm even thinking of double majoring (communications and theology)? I don't really know.

All I know is that there are pretty big steps that I'm going to be taking these next few years, I'm going to be challenged spiritually and mentally.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

I'm ready to take on what God will lead me through. I'm confident He will provide people along the way. I just need prayer that I am patient in finding them. I'm waiting and praying for an accountability partner and a mentor.

Thank you Lord for the people so far and the people back home. You have guided my thoughts into praying and caring for others .

Psalm 25

2007-11-14T01:51:00.000-08:00

"1 To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul;

2 in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.

3 No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.

4 Show me your ways, O LORD,
teach me your paths;

5 guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.

6 Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.

7 Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O LORD.

8 Good and upright is the LORD;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.

9 He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.

10 All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.

11 For the sake of your name, O LORD,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

12 Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD ?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.

13 He will spend his days in prosperity,
and his descendants will inherit the land.

14 The LORD confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.

15 My eyes are ever on the LORD,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.

16 Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.

17 The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
free me from my anguish.

18 Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.

19 See how my enemies have increased
and how fiercely they hate me!

20 Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.

21 May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.

22 Redeem Israel, O God,
from all their troubles!"

This is my prayer at this time.

Captain Planet

2007-11-06T17:07:00.000-08:00

Global vision is an awesome point of view. I wish I had that idea during highschool when church had its annual missions trip. Only last summer did I go on a missions trip and it was awesome. I felt the speaker putting on the pressure to do a missions trip, and I was thinking of all the possibilities and realized that I'm not really being called to on a grand scale missions trip (atleast through APU). So far I have plans to go on the spring break Mexico trip then I go with Mens Chorale to Hawaii which will be awesome to see a different side of Hawaii then the usual tourist side.

I need to pray with confidence.

Don't Hate, Appreciate

2007-10-30T23:28:00.000-07:00

I'm disappointed that a missing wallet and missing keys have reduced me to discouragement. My positivity is being attacked and I can see that.

Hatred is bad. That's all I can really think of. I try not to use the word hate with anyone and try not to with anything. I also never slander someone, and it's hard for me to hear someone discriminating against someone. Even all the words like "fag" and "queer" kind of get to me, because I've often heard homosexual people feel offended by those words. I don't care whether someone agrees with their lifestyle, it's about caring about the individual.

I've been praying about relationships/friendships, and I will continue to be praying.

His Banner Over Me is Love, His Love.

2007-10-24T00:19:00.000-07:00

You know you are in the right place when you walk down your hallway and hear that your neighbor is blasting worship music.

Right now I am doing one of my goals. I am diving into the Word of God. Starting with the book of Job. God has given me a Bible accountablity partner from my old high school and so it is awesome to be sharing how the Word affects us.

"What is man that you make so much of him, that you give him so much attention that you examine him every morning and test him every moment?" Job 7:17-18

I just see this passage that God is always with us, just like what we are learning in Kaleo. How amazing is it, that He spends his individual attention on me, just like he spends attention on you. I see that God has helped me to overcome obstacles, used my past to relate to others, and has given me Godly people in my life to grow from and to be encouragement to.

On to the subject of addictions part 2:

I am so thankful that I can talk about these things in the past tense. I used to struggle with both pornography and with body image.

Many males struggle with it and I know that I was often influenced to. My friends in high school were very much into it. Even though I recognized that it was a digusting habit, it was hard to not get into it when the pressure is on. As a speaker once said in Junior High Hume Lake, you will never forget those images, which is a reason not to see them. Thankfully I have stopped and do not ever want to pursue it again.

Body image is that weird one to talk about, but honestly it's a very sensitive subject to talk about, and is usually not connected to males. Ever since I was young, it was apparent how different I was shaped. My brothers teased me about my weight calling me chubbasaurus (which I now look back upon and laugh), but for me at that age, it was very damaging. All throughout junior high and high school I was ashamed of the way I looked, specifically my weight. Last winter was particulary rough, I gained a lot of weight from not doing water polo, and people took notice. I remember a dear friend called me fat and it was shattering. I avoided anything to do with taking my shirt off, I was ashamed to get into a hot tub or change in front of people. I hated myself so much, I luckily never went overboard into an eating disorder yet still, I hate to relive those moments of standing in front of the mirror and just having pure hatred to the fat face that was looking back at me.
I am so much better now. I have gained a massive amount of self esteem and I have come to love my body and to love the way I look. I'm not even ashamed to say that I am attractive, in fact, everyone should say that they are attractive, because they are.

A warning though to those who say sarcastic comments to others, be careful what you say, even though you are joking, people can take what you say to heart.

Party Hardy

2007-10-16T13:01:00.000-07:00

It's good to start this blog after the Alpha meeting that we had on Sunday night.

I've really just been reflecting on alcohol for a while now.

Really I haven't surrounded myself in it, I've never had the friends that went out and did it (they saved out until after graduation) and I was never around my brothers if they took it too far, I just know they like to drink.

It seems that the dependency and appeal of alcohol is just something that the secular world is telling us it's "ok". In all honesty, breaking the law should never be alright. I'm not saying people don't do it, and I'm far from perfect, but shouldn't we be striving for the perfection of God? As Christ followers, we are to be like Christ no matter what mindsets we are previously in. These are easy answers to such a huge thing to struggle with. We can struggle together though, keep each other accountable, discover together the things that are keeping us.

The future is but ahead of us.

2007-10-09T19:19:00.001-07:00

Goals:
1. I hope to become an alpha leader next year.
Being involved like I am today in the Ambassador program has become really important. I think that involvement in things was something I lacked previously but now I am just excited to be involved and to especially be working with people since that is something I love to do. In strengths talk I guess I use Woo, Communication, Positivity and Developer in this.

2. I want to study abroad someplace where I can do work with the community surrounding it.
What other time would I really get to go to school in another country for a semester than now? I am so looking forward to studying abroad and getting to live in an all new setting. More importantly I want to go somewhere that I can help the community I am living with. In strengths talk I would Adaptability.

3. I want to make a strong life-time group of friends, that are on fire for God, surround me throughout my journey here in APU and in life.
Community is a very powerful thing and I am definitely looking for those people who will go through life's trials and life's happy moments together. People to keep me accountable and to learn more about the Lord together. Hopefully I "win those people over" and can use my developer and positivity strengths to contribute to the group.

4. Lastly, I want to learn more about God's Word.
I feel there is so much more for me to read, so much more for me to interpret, so much more for me to apply to my life that I just need to dive in.

Ooh.. so strong!

2007-09-23T21:31:00.000-07:00

Woo
"Woo stands for winning others over. You enjoy the challenge of meeting new people and getting them to like you. Strangers are rarely intimidating to you. On the contrary, strangers can be energizing. You are drawn to them. You want to learn their names, ask them questions, and find some area of common interest so that you can strike up a conversation and build rapport. Some people shy away from starting up conversations because they worry about running out of things to say. You don't. Not only are you rarely at a loss for words; you actually enjoy initiating with strangers because you derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection. Once that connection is made, you are quite happy to wrap it up and move on. There are new people to meet, new rooms to work, new crowds to mingle in. In your world there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet-lots of them."
I can see exactly why this is my number one strength, and it somewhat scares me. I do love meeting groups of new people, and these first few weeks in college has put my connecting ability to the test. I think because of my past experiences in high school, I’m going to be able to better handle this strength without having the feeling of being “spread thin”.

Adaptability
"You live in the moment. You don't see the future as a fixed destination. Instead, you see it as a place that you create out of the choices that you make right now. And so you discover your future one choice at a time. This doesn't mean that you don't have plans. You probably do. But this theme of Adaptability does enable you to respond willingly to the demands of the moment even if they pull you away from your plans. Unlike some, you don't resent sudden requests or unforeseen detours. You expect them. They are inevitable. Indeed, on some level you actually look forward to them. You are, at heart, a very flexible person who can stay productive when the demands of work are pulling you in many different directions at once."
Once I thought of myself as futuristic minded, yet I saw that I don't always live in the future, what I do is take things that happen in the present and see where they possibly can take me. I don’t often like to live a scheduled life and so that’s how I can deal with anything that comes in my day. Many corkscrews are still to come in life, I can't say I'll know what they are, but whatever they are, I'm sure I can take them on.

Communication
"You like to explain, to describe, to host, to speak in public, and to write. This is your Communication theme at work. Ideas are a dry beginning. Events are static. You feel a need to bring them to life, to energize them, to make them exciting and vivid. And so you turn events into stories and practice telling them. You take the dry idea and enliven it with images and examples and metaphors. You believe that most people have a very short attention span. They are bombarded by information, but very little of it survives. You want your information-whether an idea, an event, a product's features and benefits, a discovery, or a lesson-to survive. You want to divert their attention toward you and then capture it, lock it in. This is what drives your hunt for the perfect phrase. This is what draws you toward dramatic words and powerful word combinations. This is why people like to listen to you. Your word pictures pique their interest, sharpen their world, and inspire them to act."
Sometimes I ask myself, ” When does my mouth really close?” I talk a lot, and recently learned that I love to make speeches. Sometimes I still get those nerves about what I am going to say since I'm not always sure how it will be received yet still I love to speak to inspire and grab attention through talking. This is exactly why I plan on going into communications. I believe that I could hold a future in anything having to do with communicating.

Positivity
"You are generous with praise, quick to smile, and always on the lookout for the positive in the situation. Some call you lighthearted. Others just wish that their glass were as full as yours seems to be. But either way, people want to be around you. Their world looks better around you because your enthusiasm is contagious. Lacking your energy and optimism, some find their world drab with repetition or, worse, heavy with pressure. You seem to find a way to lighten their spirit. You inject drama into every project. You celebrate every achievement. You find ways to make everything more exciting and more vital. Some cynics may reject your energy, but you are rarely dragged down. Your Positivity won't allow it. Somehow you can't quite escape your conviction that it is good to be alive, that work can be fun, and that no matter what the setbacks, one must never lose one's sense of humor."
This strength is the strength that I actually wanted to be number one in. I just love the idea of positivity and I really strive to be shine in this strength. I remember every award in sports that I won had the description of how I came with a smile every day (nothing to do with athletic talent). Often times I love to use sense of humor to make tough things like a sports workout more fun. Sense of humor is huge in who I am as a person, I try to make fun out of any situation.

Developer
"You see the potential in others. Very often, in fact, potential is all you see. In your view no individual is fully formed. On the contrary, each individual is a work in progress, alive with possibilities. And you are drawn toward people for this very reason. When you interact with others, your goal is to help them experience success. You look for ways to challenge them. You devise interesting experiences that can stretch them and help them grow. And all the while you are on the lookout for the signs of growth-a new behavior learned or modified, a slight improvement in a skill, a glimpse of excellence or of "flow" where previously there were only halting steps. For you these small increments-invisible to some-are clear signs of potential being realized. These signs of growth in others are your fuel. They bring you strength and satisfaction. Over time many will seek you out for help and encouragement because on some level they know that your helpfulness is both genuine and fulfilling to you."
I feel this fifth strength is one that I am just starting to develop or possibly just starting to see. Along with my optimistic viewpoint, I am truly seeing people as potential in what God can/will do with them. I don’t know what more to say about this because honestly I can’t see it too much, or just don’t see any example in my life yet.

In a nut shell..

2007-09-18T18:26:00.000-07:00

It's just my luck that when I finally sit down to do my blog, a huge dance party starts outside.

I didn't mean that in a sarcastic way, I think everyone knows that I love a good dance party. Well, I love anything fun actually. I'd like to describe myself as a person that can make situations enjoyable and that I am just an optimistic person. I've learned to have a blast in any situation and to just have a positive outlook on many things.

My outlook has changed a lot from that of when I was in high school. Yeah I was still that charismatic kid with a great outlook on life, but it was a much different outlook. Now that I reflect, I had many insecurities in high school. Yeah, I was the homecoming king and voted everybody's best friend in the yearbook, yet those did no justice. A lot of time I would wonder who my real friends are. Often times I tend to build only surface level friendships, or I just get myself involved in a group that is just shallow. A friend said it best one time when she said that I "spread myself too thin".

Luckily, (I mean it!) over the summer I made some really great friendships. Alright, so I knew these people before but we definitely bonded over the summer. These people were positive Christian influences in my life. It was sad to see them off when I transitioned from the summer to APU, yet it was great timing to come to a campus where I can surround myself with more people with common beliefs.

I am much more spiritually aware of God's presence now, then I was a couple of months ago. God really worked through in my missions trip to Ethiopia, and it was amazing to hear His voice as confirmation that works and speaks through people. It's great timing to come from such an amazing trip to come to APU and grow more in spirituality.

I am: fun, optimistic, secure, spiritual and most of all, ready to see where God takes me.